Lets Make Friends

Just had a brief visit to a fellow blogger's post and I saw "Lets Make Friends" under a picture my ideas big bulb blinked rapidly.

I just simply want to bring people's circles of friends together and make a huge circle. Tag along your friends and lets have a drink ;) Its a way to meet new people you can actually talk to, cos your friend knows them or their friend. Its a huge link but nothing new, people have done this before. The group would be a green light for you to talk to anyone you want. 

It has to do with the Indonesian's culture (not sure what its called, maybe not CULTURE), we are friendly but we don't really talk to the opposite-gender strangers, not really. Maybe more because we do not want to be seen as "predator" since its the opposite gender and mostly when men talk to stranger woman they intend to court her (-.-') 

To make this happen I absolutely need help from my friends, make a social club we'll call... hmm Aint Serendipity Club? Lol, thats kinda cute :P If you are my friend hehe and wanna join, hit me up! 

Drawing In Silence

29 December 2010

Everything is back to its nature and so am I. Shrinking back to the anti-social me, ignoring how much I like to interact with people on good days. I crave for silence more lately, ponder if it would be alright if I just keep my mouth shut the entire working day haha. That's probably a bit mean to the others and I would absolutely look grumpy or having constipation. 

The thing is that I've been spending my time alone a lot already and if I follow this lock-me-up-in-the-dungeon-and-leave-me-alone mood I would be like that the whole year (o.0) And absolutely I do not want that, altho advantage is (if I can manage to shut down the internet) I can write hell lots with the time I have.

Comfort being in my skin, on my own, is what I almost master. Bit by bit I learned how to let go the need to have company and started to depend on myself on every thing. Who is the best person to make you happy rather than yourself? Looking back, to 2006, and put it side by side with present condition, I always get my contentment when I am alone. 

2006, almost exactly 5 years ago in Singkawang back to the time when I was enjoying my time with new friends I got from Indonesia-Canada Youth Exchange Program. The 40-of-us were having our Indonesian phase mid-project retreat in Singkawang, the famous beach city in West Kalimantan where we spent 3 days at the beach which was almost like our own. Our very own beach. I barely saw people hanging around the beach which practically lied in front of our hotel which was not a big one but we had no complaint. 

My Group at Pasir Panjang Beach, Singkawang

I was a 21 years old girl whose crush on a Canadian boy (he was 18 years old) started to fade away with the distance between us. Although actually it was more like 30 minutes drive passing two beasty supervisors who with pleasure would chop our feet if they caught us seeing each other. In short I'd say it was all about the program rules. But on top of all I say he just never tried harder, never tried harder to have faith. *as I type this Katy Perry is singing The One That Got Away on my mp3 player*

However that 3 days in Singkawang, he was there too and of course we didn't spend much time together (as now I know he was in the trial to avoid me, but it was hard he said... because I was such a stalker, you think?! lol) although I wanted to and I tried to avoid spending "quality time" with someone else who wanted it. Bizarre "like" triangle. Anyway, on our last afternoon there I went with two friends to the very far end of the beach (as seen from the hotel) where then we found beautiful humongous rocks. Under one of those rocks there was a Chinese altar, yes because Singkawang has great number of Chinese it is decorated with many Chinese ornaments you can see on most corner of the city. It was a long walk we took passing through some creeks on their way to the sea while the wild wind whirled around us embraced us in its cold arms. Reaching that far end was great but that was not the moment when I felt close to God, it was on our way back to the hotel.

The day was shutting down, the gradually-turned-to-dark curtain surrounded us swallowing the light making the wild wind gone wilder and I couldn't hear nothing but the wind itself. Both guys walked in front of me a little far in front of me when I stopped walking and watched towards the shore to the gray sky. I have no idea how long I paused letting nothing other than the sense of hearing and sight working. There was a gorgeous bliss, and at that moment I cared not nor thought about no one else. Life was whole one thing that I celebrated within me and with me alone. I reckoned later it was contentment I felt.

I went back to the hotel feeling so happy but after 2 days at the beach I couldn't blush more than the red face I had I guess it was called SUNSLAP. Good news was that last night before we headed back to our separated villages he spent some time with me. Oh on nights like that we just don't want to sleep eh.

Don't sleep away this night my baby

Please stay with me at least till dawn

It hurts to know another hour just gone by

and every minute is worthwhile 

Summary of my blubbering:

Your happiness is in your own hand, when you can be happy when you are alone that's the best one but it doesn't mean you can not share your happiness with others.

Alone and lonely are two different things. 

This is all want! Laying down there and watching the sky on sunny and cloudy days.

a little song that brightens a thousand years

It would be nice if we could sit and talk again
I say not more than just friends
It would be great if you could sing the song we wrote
from time when we were in line in thoughts
Spending hours weaving words of poetry
so you can later give them the melody


Maybe I will sing you a song about the mist
a sad song that actually never exists
And I will forget the words that very second
But somehow it lightens up my burden
Cos I say what I gotta say
oh a slight hope that you will stay...


the same


*For someone who together we'd fit "I want more fans, you want more stage"* 

Hot Dont Touch

Drink the coffee while it's hot

You can see me but touch not

Lets keep curiosity for better end

circle

Everything is static and yet at the same time makes a very rapid circling movement
in my head
like my pen making lines on a white paper when I have nothing to do
round and round lines of beauty carved randomly by thoughtless mind 
I do not comprehend, this time I do not try to
letting them go as He wishes is what I do
me is shaping contentment in an old way that I've known and seen
whether or not now it's changed, I guess I just have to take the risk
of living life of the unknown
keep the thrill in your pocket, they say
so whenever you are down, you can sit and fold it open
it's the laughter you can grow out of anything
everything...
and everything shows its beauty to you
in a way you have never seen before
and before you know you understand
every reason behind all the things you questioned before
not every reason is pretty to know
some make you sad, and once again you UNDERSTAND
why they were hidden
you try to forget then, all these reasons
so tomorrow you can have every rights to wonder
and make everything move in rapid circling dance
in your head 

Crazy Love

“I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles
And the heavens open every time she smiles
And when I come to her that’s where I belong
Yet I’m running to her like a river’s song

Chorus:
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love She’s got a fine sense of humor when I’m feeling low down
And when I come to her when the sun goes down
Take away my trouble, take away my grief
Take away my heartache, in the night like a thief

Chorus:
Yes I need her in the daytime
Yes I need her in the night
Yes I want to throw my arms around her
Kiss her hug her kiss her hug her tight And when I’m returning from so far away
She gives me some sweet lovin’ brighten up my day
Yes it makes me righteous, yes it makes me feel whole
Yes it makes me mellow down in to my soul”

— VAN MORRISON - CRAZY LOVE LYRICS

BLARR!

A fight within me is raging, half wants to embrace the habit of lay low let the others do whatever and half wants to be part of the world, engaging with new people new experience of blinding-sun-gazing, standing-on-one-hand, or whatever. 

Tonight, the antisocial wins. I don't feel like popping out at this event my friend invites me to, just because I have a feeling I'd be weirded out. What a lamer -.-'

Anyway, tomorrow there will be office event. Must come and see people from the other divisions which is rare to happen since my office is separated from the main office (read:civilization).  Lets get lost in the crowd, I loved it once, going though sea of people rubber-necking to see where my friends are... GO FESTIVE! 

*hiccups* I just want to be blown away... have my chest burned by attention of the SUN. 

My Essay for HIV/AIDS Day Writing Contest

2010, when access to all kinds of freedom is open, by this I mean freedom in living how you want to, freedom to have knowledge on anything cross your mind, and freedom to question, there are still “unreachable corners” where taboo subjects left untouched. One among those subjects that becomes our concern as its awareness day is approaching is HIV/AIDS.

HIV stands for Human Immunodeficiency Virus, virus that attacks human immune system which makes human “unprotected”. HIV causes AIDS by damaging the immune system cells until the immune system can no longer fight off other infections that it would usually be able to prevent. It takes around ten years on average for someone with HIV to develop AIDS.

There are various ways a person can get infected by HIV: a) Unprotected sexual intercourse with an infected person, b) Contact with an infected person’s blood (in sufficient number of blood), c) Blood transfusion, d) Injected drugs, e) From mother to child during pregnancy, delivering, and breastfeeding. If we made a poll on words related to HIV/AIDS the top answer would be “sex” and why HIV/AIDS is not well-discussed because it is always linked to sex.

Lets for a moment focus on young people and effort to educate them about HIV/AIDS, the freedom to access media where the attack of thousands new things occur to these minors is overwhelming. Indonesian history has not closed on those celebrities adultery which are accessible by these minors through media. They are easy victims as they are simply curious about sex and their sexuality. This could be a good thing if it is balanced with the proper knowledge of what sex is, what consequences it has, why and when is the right time to have sex. Applied to many people, not merely to young people, that perception of sex intercourse’s consequence is merely pregnancy and in relation to that condom was invented to prevent pregnancy only. This is a crack that should be covered by education.

Little that I knew how big the roles of HIV/AIDS institutions/organizations were before I took part in their field work. Working for HIV/AIDS NGO named LARAS gave me a chance to directly see how far people’s comprehension on HIV/AIDS and its opportunistic infections were and the effort of outreach workers to educate people. Come to surface layers and layers of society we need to reach, it seems like years of work through media such as TV and radio commercials, leaflets etc are not enough.

Not in order, on one of the layers there are students and young people who are delicate on this subject, parents tend to think it is unnecessary if not taboo for them to get such knowledge. But on the other hand better understanding of what HIV/AIDS is, what the transmission methods are and how to prevent the transmission. In parallel with the transmission methods, the prevention methods are by having safe sex (condoms) and loyal to your partner, not sharing needles when using injected drugs and be aware of transfused blood. The point of HIV/AIDS education is not to promote sex or injected drugs but to give them better understanding of one action that can lead people to life destruction. Related to the effort to prevent HIV transmission through injected drugs, some non-governmental organizations support drug addicts with syringes so they do not have to share the needles and transmit HIV. Indonesian government still opposes this prevention idea since it is seen as a support to drug using. It is depends on the point of view on this matter, on one side the non-governmental organizations put the HIV harm reduction first while the government still focuses on the harm of drug using. This leaves homework for Indonesian government and non-governmental organizations to sit and discuss a way out.

The second layer I will mention is the society, in here education is supposed to kill the stigmas on people living with HIV/AIDS. The perception of society about people living with HIV/AIDS as people living the punishment for their sins has to be changed, there are lots of innocent people got infected by HIV/AIDS such as babies who are infected from their mothers and wives who are infected because their husbands do not live by safe sex. Hopefully by knowing how HIV transmitted would help them understand this and embrace people living with HIV/AIDS. More important to promote awareness society also has to be introduced to HIV test called Voluntary Counseling and Testing (VCT) to have control on their HIV status because we never know how HIV might infect us. Among the spreading method, people have little understanding of possibility of being infected through blood transfusion, in this case besides giving more education to the society so they can be selective on the blood transfusion, hospitals and PMI also have be a good filter of healthy blood for transfusion. With full awareness hopefully the society can work hand in hand, also with government, to support harm reduction of HIV/AIDS.

The third layer is sex workers and injected drug users where they are seen as the “sources” of the spread of HIV. A very strong understanding is obliged to be provided to sex workers and injected drug users about HIV/AIDS and how they can protect themselves. Such education is crucial and yet often abandoned seeing these people start to work as sex workers  and use drugs at far too young at age, the lack of education and attention from the family hold important role why they made this mistake at the first place. In my experience with LARAS, where we dealt more with sex workers, most of the girls were forced or tricked into human trafficking. Once again the lack of education and financial difficulties force them to do whatever job offered to them. In some cases that we found in sex worker complex in Bontang, girls from other islands were promised to work on cafes or restaurants but as they arrived in East Kalimantan they were put into situation where they had to work as sex worker and no other option as they had to pay for their fares from their hometown to East Kalimantan. Broader look on my work with LARAS, LARAS is a non-governmental organization supported by a Dutch organization named Mainline. LARAS commits to educate and empower sex workers to protect themselves which hopefully will lead to reduce of HIV/AIDS spread. Supported by numbers of outreach workers, LARAS gives counseling to sex workers and promote the importance of using condom. By using of condom these girls are given mentality that they have power and options to decide on their own fate, they are no longer have to be accept being infected by their clients. This mentality is called women empowerment, always use condom.

An interesting yet shocking experience chit-chatting with some of new sex workers, still at the same complex, one of the Mainline workers asked to those sex workers whether they always offered their clients to use condom. Some of them said yes, some shyly said sometimes, and I caught a girl whispered to her friend asking what condom was, and after her friend explained she said she often rejected when her client offered to use condom. It was sad to know the girl had no whatsoever knowledge what condom was, what great value it’s supposed to give her and yet she had to work on that field.

I hope that experience can be an eye-opening of how important education is to empower people to protect themselves which will lead to the harm reduction of HIV/AIDS. 

A Lil Remembrance For My Sister

Night 1

Sipping my coffee, it came late... as I came early to work. The coffee man asked me whether my boss will come today, and of course he will although a lil late since he will take his son to dentist.

There is a funny story about that coffee man and my boss, but now I want to talk about something else. This morning I felt like craving for egg sandwich as I rode my motorbike to work and remembered one night me and Loon (a nick name I give to my friend) went out for some good time. We went to this sandwich place by the the street recommended by Loon. The sandwich was good and so was the price.

As usual, we talked in English all the time for two reasons... One, no one can be snoopy whatsoever. Two, English dept students have to practice a lot right :D 

Anyway, then everyone was watching us including these young men who served us (woohoo!) and then one of them asked were you from abroad? Before I even opened my mouth Loon already said "Yes, she's from Thailand" LOL. And the guy looked at me with excitement, wth.

If he had a lil bit of knowledge (without looking down at him or Thais) I'd say he'd know I wasn't a Thai. Thais have thick accent that would influence their English, funny words they'd say as they don't have some consonants. Plus me and Loon are so Javanese, at least to me Loon is... and I, according to my lovely lecturer Pak Bibit, am too. 

After all, its a good laugh... We were so happy doing it and were about to do the crime again to the next shop haha when then I realized my student (I was teaching at a high school at that time for university requirement) was helping his brother, the owner of the shop. So I said to Loon, lets go home lol. 

1001 nights with Loon. 

Sparkle Quest

Close to tears, I find myself lost after the excitement... which sadly was just a temporary stage. I have not find what I was looking for, no sparkle could this little girl catch. And soon as I stare blankly at my empty hands, I sit down and think. What now?


I had no grand expectation put on my adventure and yet like any other characters I wish to find myself a happy ending or something close enough to it. Maybe a few months of surreal dreams, even that is impossible my friend. 


IF I want to look back, I suppose I can have what I have had before... but do I really want to step back? Walk into the muddy path I struggled to get out from? There is a house, a familiar house though it's cold, by the end of that path but maybe I need a warmer one. 


I guess I will just keep walking with my hands wide open, my eyes wide open and hopefully like that dark night by the river of Sekayam I will find "sparkles" coming out to light up (Andrew and Kaspar who were bathing :P) the world. 

Backpackers' Spirit

As much as IRC is addiction and source of freaks, I am always granted with bless to meet nice people and there in IRC I met Ayu and Icca who live far away from me. Different kinds of online chat tools stick us together, you name it. We are three girls that, who someone called MAFIA lol,  share almost same story... share the same interests. I won't mention them all here now hehe.


But one of those interests is our passion for life-flipping conscience-challenging journey to lands of strangers. We want our feet to be swept over by an experience not everyone can live it, and somehow we realize we can not sit down and beg the sky to drop a free ticket.


So instead of wishing for my office to send me somewhere (more coz its extremely impossible) me and the girls are planning on saving and book tickets to go around EUROPE! Although my skeptical side says Europe is too big to be conquered by someone who has such short leave from work. And for someone with flat pocket like me... maybe Paolo Nutini's version is kinda better "short on money long on time" altho my preference if I had to choose one of them is most definitely "long on money short on time" :P


E.U.R.O.P.E


How to explore the whole continent?! It would be a life time job, unless:
a. You marry a millionaire.
b. You suddenly appointed by Lonely Planet (or the competitors) to do the pleasant job for them.
c. World has gone nuts and Rupiah (in our case) currency rockets UP to the sky I have John Travolta flies me to Greece. WICKED AWESOME!


Back to reality, me and Ayu are trying to figure out which spots we want to visit and HOW we actually come in the continent, tough job. Anyway to initially start the good will (hehe) we bought big map of Europe and sticked it on our walls. OFFICIAL PLAN ^-^


No adventures without obstacles, so here is the list of difficulties that cross my mind atm:
1. VISA, crucial - can not go without this.
2. Sufficient amount of money - its hard to predict how much money we actually need. 
3. Fit the schedule - not only I have to arrange my leave plan, the three of us must make perfect calculation of timing and options of transportation to be on schedule. 


Ah yeah have I mentioned we are going in 2012? Yupidu, I still have two years to fill my treasure bags. Making money is manageable but keeping it safe in my bank account is beyond belief tough hahaha. So wish me LUCK! Ayu and Icca, CHAYO!!!! <3 

w.a.k.t.u

perputaran itu terlalu cepat, kata Ku dewasa
sementara dia berusaha menjejakkan kakinya kuat-kuat
agar waktu berhenti sedangkan Ku remaja hanya melirik
melengos sambil memainkan rambutnya, tak habis pikir
Ku tua tersenyum penuh arti melihat Ku dewasa
kau hanya menyakiti dirimu sendiri dengan usahamu itu, nak
waktu sudah sangat terkenal tegas dan disiplin
apa yang membuatmu berpikir dia akan berhenti
walau hanya untuk menatapmu sejenak?
kenali dia, mungkin kau akan berteman dengannya
seperti aku, kata Ku tua lirih
aku yang berkata pada teman baikku itu
waktu yang bijak, bisakah kau berlari hanya untukku?

Reflection

I was quite sure the face I saw wasn’t mine,

And yet part of me belongs to it as

It looked back at me

Staring at that reflection longer than I meant to

Didn’t help me at all at the same time

But then I knew the name of that face, meine Liebe

One I gave my fragile heart and did it happen?

That half of me flied to him, either his to me?

My heart worked faster at the bizarre thought

That it could be the missing piece of this puzzle

Of why this surrealism ever existed.

Lelaki

Entah apa yang membawaku untuk berdiri didepan jendela itu, suara hati? Entahlah. Disana seorang lelaki terbingkai sempurna lengkap dengan simbol kejantanan [setidaknya begitu anggapan orang, tidak termasuk aku, tentang...] rokok di antara jemari tangan kirinya sementara tangan kanannya bertumpu pada pagar beton dimana dia duduk. Setelah sebuah hisapan panjang dia membiarkan tangan kiri berikut rokoknya ikut bertumpu di pagar beton selaras dengan sang kanan.

Walau duduk membelakangiku dapat ku baca di punggungnya raut menerawang. Ketika sekali lagi dia menghisap rokoknya ku lihat kepalanya mengikuti asap rokok yang dari tempatku berdiri tampak seperti keluar dari kepalanya yang terdongak menatap asap yang terbang ke atas dan hilang, sekarang dia justru tampak seperti bocah ingusan yang terpukau melihat betapa ajaibnya sang asap. Mengingatkan ku pada masa kecil kala aku dengan antusias menonton bapak merokok sambil berkata " Ayo pak lagi, keluarin asapnya lewat hidung" takjub melihat yang dihisap lewat mulut keluar dari hidung kemudian hilang blas tanpa bekas. Kalau saja aku yang bocah tidak melihat hampir semua lelaki dewasa merokok pasti dengan bangga aku menganggap bapakku pesulap.

Lelaki itu sekarang menjentikkan rokoknya dan abu pun berguguran di rumput hijauku yang oleh lelaki itu dianggap sebagai asbak rokok jagad raya ini. Oh Tuhan... dia adalah salah satu dari manusia-manusia itu, mereka yang menganggap bumi ini adalah tempat sampah jagad raya ini. Mereka yang berpikir sungai mempunyai ilmu gaib yang dapat menghilangkan sampah yang mereka buang ke dalamnya. Tragis miris!

Kemudian pikiran positifku berkata, "Tak mengapa, itu cuma ABU, dia bukannya membuang plastik yang bikin bumi sesak nafas, Las!" Mungkin dia bukan salah satu dari mereka dan kembali ku menatap punggungnya walau itu tak memberi jawaban sampai ketika lelaki itu tiba-tiba membuatku terlonjak bangga setengah mati. Dengan sabar dinantinya bara api kecil di ujung sisa rokoknya padam dengan sendirinya, kehabisan medium menyusut dan mati kemudian diletakkanlah oleh lelaki itu, sang puntung ke saku celana panjang hitamnya tanpa berdiri. Terus dia duduk di pagar beton sampai matahari mulai terlihat kehilangan daya, alam menawarkan lembayung yang menentramkan jiwa yang letih setelah hari yang panjang.

Aku bersiap untuk melihat lelaki itu berdiri, seperti sang sutradara yang tahu persis apa yang dia ingin tokohnya lakukan. Maka berdirilah dia dengan cepat dan memutar badannya yang artinya kini dia berhadapan denganku dalam jarak lima belas meter yang memisahkan kami dan dapat kulihat dengan jelas sekarang raut yang kubaca lewat punggungnya...... matanya yang tersenyum padaku detik ini.

Ku lihat bocah ingusan itu lagi, kini di bola matanya, seakan dia tergelak sambil menceritakan kisah lucunya. Lelaki bermata bocah itu telah berada di depan pintu rumahku, dapat ku dengar nafas teraturnya dari balik sekat kayu jati yang kemudian ku buka perlahan, seketika itu angin menghembuskan perpaduan antara wangi parfumnya yang kubelikan sebagai hadiah ulang tahunnya dan bau asap rokok yang biasanya selalu membuatku mengomel panjang karena menempel lekat di kemejanya tapi hari ini aku ingin mencintai lelaki bermata bocah itu terlebih ketika dia berkata, "Sayang, aku pulang".

dia

Aku masih penuh tanya bagaimana dia menyebutkan namaku dengan begitu berbeda, nama sederhanaku yang hanya TIGA huruf. Kamu lagi jatuh cinta tuh, kata sahabatku, aku bisa liat dari wajahmu kentara sekali! Itu ketika aku sedang duduk di sebelah dia di sofa empuk dan berbagi selimut di pagi yang dingin, ketika di luar terlihat embun masih menghalangi pandangan.

Hanya beberapa jam yang lalu kami, aku, dia dan beserta beberapa teman lain, berada di bus malam menuju kota dingin ini. Kami duduk berdua di dalam bis menjauhkan diri dari teman-teman yang sesekali melirik usil ingin tahu kami sedang apa, mereka yang lebih centil daripada gadis-gadis SMU itu terus melongokkan kepala ke arah kami. Kami sedang apa? Hmmm membaca majalah sambil setengah mati memutar otak agar komentar yang keluar membuat lawan bicara kagum atau paling tidak terdengar CERDAS di telinga sendiri. Untung saja majalah yang kami baca bukan Cosmopolitan, bisa mati duduk aku! *pikirkan saja topik diskusi yang bisa diambil dari Cosmopolitan*

Setelah habis membolak-balik majalah kami malah diam seperti adegan malam pertama penganten India, aku menatap jendela bis mencoba memandang keluar walau aku tak lagi bisa melihat pemandangan di luar karena telah ditelan pekatnya malam dan terangnya lampu di dalam bis yang malah memantulkan gerak-gerik para penumpang, aku merasa seperti bercermin. Alih-alih mematut-matut diri sendiri aku mengamati bayangannya, dia yang mulai bercakap-cakap dengan pria tua dengan botol minuman keras di tangan dan tawaran untuk berbagi tegukan remeh temeh ditolaknya dengan sopan.

Si pria tua mulai bercerita tentang mengapa dia berada di bis yang kami tumpangi itu, setangkapku pria tua itu dalam perjalananan ke rumahnya setelah bertahun-tahun tidak pulang. Dia bahkan tidak tahu apakah keluarganya akan menerima kepulangannya dengan tangan terbuka. Pada titik ini aku berusaha meyakinkan diri semua ini bukan bagian dari reality show, tidak ada kamera whatsoever! Tapi cerita ini pastinya bakal bikin produser reality show tertarik.

Aku menonton percakapan mereka dari “layar jendela bis” dan sesekali ku lihat dia menengok ke arahku entah apa maksudnya. Mungkin dia ingin mengecek apa aku masih duduk manis di sampingnya, walaupun gak ada kemungkinan aku lompat keluar dari jendela bis karena bis itu mengadopsi design akuarium! Atau mungkin dia memberi aku delikan minta tolong agar diselamatkan dari percakapan dengan pria tua itu yang, jika benar, kurang berhasil dilakukannya. Aku malah berkata dalam hati, kau terlihat begitu manis saat ngobrol dengan orang asing. Dan itu adalah salah satu keahliannya yang perlahan ditularkannya padaku, “The Art of Talking to Strangers”.

Tak lama kemudian pria tua itu bangkit dari tempat duduknya, bagi seseorang yang cukup lama meninggalkan kota dingin ini pria tua itu memiliki daya ingat yang cukup hebat terlebih dengan kemungkinan dia sedang mabuk, dan kemudian dia berkata bahwa dia akan turun di pemberhentian berikutnya. Saat itu aku mulai memperhatikan pria tua itu tanpa perantara jendela bis sambil menyelipkan lenganku ke lengan dia yang duduk disampingku yang juga tengah memandang pria tua itu. Dalam salam perpisahannya untuk teman barunya pria tua itu berkata baik-baiklah kau dan gadismu, sambil tersenyum padaku mempertontonkan sederetan gigi yang telah ompong di beberapa tempat dimakan usia dan mungkin kebiasaan buruknya. Serta merta aku berseru dalam hati, sepertinya aku menyukaimu pak tua! dan tersenyum padanya.

Sepanjang sisa perjalanan there we were, with arms clenched-silently joyful hearted.

Gargle Please!

Yesi and I talked about Dental Care as our topic at the radio show this week.

Omi : Do you think they have tooth sealants here in Indonesia? Since i never heard of it.
Yesi : Well they might, you should ask to the dentist.
Omi : Hmm ask eh?!
Yesi : But you know when i tried to ask something to my dentist he glared at me and gave such reluctant response.
Omi : You know the dilemma of being a dentist with a full-of-questions patient?
Yesi : What?
Omi : He cant say, SHUT UP!

Maybe all he can say then,"Ok, now you gargle!" :D

Dia Yang Kelabu

Teruntuk dia yang kelabu
yang berada diantara gadis itu dan aku
mengajukan pertanyaan akan cintaku

di wajahnya ku liat...
kesendirian, harapan, cinta, dan kelabu
kesempatan, keputusasaan, dan ketidakpedulian

ketika dia menawarkan tangannya padaku
gambaran kesemua hal itu datang satu per satu
namun aku tak mau menebak

apakah itu cinta atau kesendirian
yang membuatnya ada
atau aku hanya pilihan setelah penolakan.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

For him who is grey
who's between her and me
proposes a question on my feeling

On his face I see the images...
of loneliness, hope, love and darkness
opportunity, despair and ignorance

Once, he came to offer me his hand
the flash of the images came before me
but I refused to guess his motive

Was it love or loneliness
that created this situation
or was I merely a choice between choices and rejection?

HAIL WOMEN!

I don’t know what to argue about on topic about men vs women but this one male friend said to me TWICE that women are stupid. It seems to me that he needs to open his horizon much more. Maybe he watches Beauty Pageants too often, well like my girl friend says its Beauty Pageant after all not Brain Pageant so what do you expect? It doesn’t take so much brain work to smile at the crowd and answer the questions you have practiced zillions of time… and if you’re lucky you get the chance to wave to people.

Anyhow back to the stupid statement. I think many men don’t realize how many women lose their chance to be even smarter than they already are coz they choose to raise their kids or to take care of their husbands. It’s beyond imagination how tortured they are to think about the “what if”, but heck men don’t care. They always think *I* am the money maker here, *I* am the smart one. And when a woman is smart, her man possibly calls her naggy * just another N word lol*. I gotta say not many men can handle smart opinionated women, they would end up giving up and turn to obedient Asian women lol [who I wish wouldn’t accept losers]. A bit sad to say as I am myself an Asian woman, but the thing is I’m men’s ego crusher kind of Asian woman :P feed the ego first then crush them to pieces [only if they don’t worth the love :P]

Speaking of certain race and men hehe… my friend was with this man from different race, he can’t take NO from women. They [men of his kind] expect us [women] to always do what they say, agree with what they do. Duh guys you’re so medieval, go back to the time era where you belong or go extinct!! With these kind of guys, I say NO just for fun and they will sulk for sure. *yo peace dude*

Why I write this? Well I just want to remind people that women are something, regardless of their IQ level or achievements. We are strong, mentally we are [guess why jails are so full of men? Coz we women are too afraid to commit crimes?! Well good for us, coz we look for better ways to solve probs :D], not necessarily physically strong. Women have to go thru excruciating pain of labor, you don’t come from a rock, and they also taught you your first words coz your dad was too busy at work. [I start to ramble again lol].

I won’t be fully unfair to men hehe, I’ve met with ones with intelligence and good respect to women. I bow with my deepest respect to them, as they are rare. But I also know some manwhores *gosh I wish I could tag them hahaha too bad they’re gone from my list :P* HAIL MEN

*giggle out - peace out*

If my heart convinced me to fall for strangers

If my heart convinced me to fall for strangers
I’d fall for….

The hearts of old couple who I always see at the park every afternoon
Sitting on a bench talking to each other or just watching younger lives pass the park. I want to fall for two hearts that grow old together.

The smile and kindness of a man who opened the door for me at coffee shop around the corner. He shared me a thought of a good day just by knowing nice strangers do exist.

The joy in a girl’s face, as she rode her bike under the sun and the wind played with her dress. I could hear groovy music followed her as she paddled the bike away from me.

The ….. of this group of homeless people who sat and talked to me when I was waiting for a friend at a bus station. After some time they changed my worries and uneasiness to laughter and amazement of how nice they were to a stranger like me. I fell for this cute experience.

Not really a stranger, but I’d fall for the way my friend described how he felt when his son was born. “It blew me away” he said, he fell in love with his son like crazy in an instant. I hope one day I will be in his shoes, filled with unconditional love my mom was full of because of my existence.

The puzzlement on a child’s innocent face, I don’t have to describe how cute it is. I just want to give the child a smooch on the nose.

The bizarre-complicated-poetic-beautifulminded poets, I already fell and will always fall for you. Nothing really is indescribable. Words exist to put everything into its place.

We Are The Summer

Don’t ask me a thing now, just for now don’t try to understand me
I just want to be distant, bizarre, un-understandable and weird as that
Refuse to talk but to the sun, the clouds, and the wind
You wouldn’t understand this feeling, so just don’t say a thing
Stand there, wait till I calm down and come to my senses.
I need you to be there in your silence with your eyes open wide
Watching me letting the universe absorbs my tantrum away
Once I’m done, you will be my sun – together we’ll be summer
I will do the funny dance you will play your orange guitar
On a lucky day I will convince you to walk on your bare feet
To feel the happiness of tiptoeing on wet grass and concrete
As the night falls into its place, we’ll warm up the wind and let it blows
Warm humor to young couple watching romance movie at the park
Then look up the sky of the dark night, you shall see…
Tiny lights twirl in the air doing all the magic for the human kind
And yes my dear, I will seal the summer night with some kisses between your ears.
But for now, don’t ask me a thing. I want to be distant just like this.

Girls

----------------------girls---------------------
--------------are like apples----------------
----------on trees. The best ones----------
---------are at the top of the tree.---------
-------The boys dont want to reach--------
-----for the good ones because they-------
--are afraid of falling and getting hurt.----
---Instead, they get the rotten apples-----
---from the ground that arent as good, ---
---but easy. So the apples up top think---
----something wrong w/ them when in----
-----reality they're amazing. They just----
------have to wait for the right boy to-----
-------come along, the one who's----------
------------- brave enough to---------------
------------------climb all--------------------
------------------the way--------------------
-----------------to the top-------------------
----------------of the tree.------------------

Am I one of the up top apples?

Empower Yourself Women!

Today our office chit-chat was about sex workers who I saw raided by the police, people (read: men) yelled at them. I shared some stories from when I worked as interpreter for an HIV/AIDS NGO and interviewed sex workers. How young and innocent some sex workers were.

On one occasion we had a relax convo with some new girls in a "complex", we asked the girls whether they offered their costumers to use condoms before having intercourse. Mostly they said they did and the costumers mostly declined, but I read confusion on one girl's face. She was young, looked like the youngest among the girl. With low voice she told her friend that her client(s) wanted to use condom but she refused. DANG!

I can guarantee she didn't share the same reason why she didn't want to use condom with big number of men. Nothing about discomfort or dissatisfaction. She was just completely innocent with some fears towards stuff she never encountered before. She must have felt weirded out of that offer (IF she was that innocent). I could not blame her, just felt so sorry of her innocence (rarely we feel this way) and that she didn't feel like asking to anyone about this, until that day.

So we explained to her about condom, how it's supposed to protect her... something that she was supposed to enforce her clients to use.

Back to the talk at the office, I mentioned to the others that there is female condom. Apparently no one has heard of it before, they started asking me how it was and how to put it on. Every body was aware of female anatomy lol. Well I know the shape of female condom, bigger than male condom, same material, with no dead-end hehehe. But then WE wondered how it's supposed to be inserted into vagina. Would we need male's organ to push it inside? If so, then it kinda intrigue the idea of this female condom. Choice to protect ourselves (women), when we are faced to the fact that men refuse to use condom. Hmm so it's more like saying to men "suck it up!" hehe. Anyway Google helped, I found this picture of how to put this condom on. OUCHIE x__x

As far as I know, female condom is being promoted in Africa along with big number of rapes there. Self protection that is. Question from me now, so girls have to put this on daily basis? :|

It's even hard to put it on!

Regret Song (doh!)

Detaching plan becomes harder as Maroon 5 bloody sings this song -.-'

HOW

I have been searching for your touch
Unlike any touch I've ever known
And I never thought about you much
Til I'm broken down and all alone, ohhh

Though I don't understand the meaning of love
I do not mind if I die trying, ohhh
Took it for granted when you lifted me up

I'm asking for your help
I am going through hell
Afraid nothing can save me but the sound of your voice
You cut out all the noise
And now that I can see mistakes so clearly now
I'd kill if I could take you back

But how?
But how?

I can feel it in my guts
What's going on with him now
And don't patronise me with lies
I'm a man, be a woman now, ohhh

I have been bind by the shackles of love
And I don't mind if I die tied up, ohhh
Took it for granted when you lifted me up

I'm asking for your help
I am going through hell
Afraid nothing can save me but the sound of your voice
You cut out all the noise
And now that I can see mistakes so clearly now
I'd kill if I could take you back

But how?
But how?
But how?
But how?

Ohh yeah
Why must we be so ugly
And please do not think ill of me
Why does the one you love
Become the one who makes you want to cry
Why?
Why?
Why?

(And how?
How?)

But I don't understand the meaning of love
I do not mind if I die trying
I do not mind if I die trying
I do not mind if I die trying

DIE YOU DIE

Nizar's work

I asked Nizar to look for some pictures for me on facebook, to be put on this blog. Well I asked for his favor coz I can't access facebook from work as I mentioned before AND because I had no pics here with me :D And he spent some time to make this one, thanks Niz :)

Kuku

Kamis pagi, jam 8.30- 9.30 MORNING MEETING.

Hari ini AS agak santai, malahan bilang mau pulang aja (AYO!!!). Waktu kami satu per satu kasih report tiba-tiba beliau berdiri, ternyata ngambil jepit kuku (read: nail clipper). Sambil dengerin dan kasih input, AS asik motongin kukunya... telaten banget. Lama baru beliau sadar kalau kami semua ngeliatin beliau yang lagi potong kuku lol. Trus bilang "ngapain sih kalian semua ngeliatin gue lagi potong kuku?". Yeeeee

Spontan si RR bilang "Ya kan bapak lagi ngomong, ya diliatin", ck ck ck. Trus pake ngikir kuku lagi, katanya supaya gak tajam tuh kuku yang abis dipotong. Lucunya pak SR (tokoh baru) nyaranin untuk kasih air aja tuh kuku biar halus, gak tajam. Sontak AS yang kritis bilang "Ah ngaco lu, mana bisa? Dimana logikanya?" hahaha setuju.

Masa air bisa bikin kuku gak tajam, kalo gitu buat apa ada kikir lol. Menelurkan ide aneh adalah bunuh diri (mending diem?!), bakalan dicerca abis-abisan siap-siap aja dengan argument yang edan sekalian :D

Air gak bakalan bikin serpihan (tajam) kuku yang tertinggal jadi halus, cuma bisa bikin serpihan kecil-kecil (seperti kalo kita habis ngikir kuku) jadi hilang. Menurutku begitu, ya gak sih?

Demam FB dan Twitter

Bukan aku yang baru (sekarang) demam , tapi si new boss sebut saja AS :P Aku dah punya akun FB dari sekitar tahun 2006, waktu diinvite ma Sarah (thank you yaa...). Dulu seorang diri punya FB, jadi harus meyakinkan temen2 kalo FB lebih bagus daripada Friendster, padahal diri sendiri gak yakin hehe.

Anyway, jadi entah bagaimana awalnya Pak AS minta dibuatkan akun Twitter. Personal opinion nih, aku gak begitu suka ngetweet. Lengah sedikit gak tau dah apa yang orang omongin tentang kita (bener gak sih? gaptek nih lol) gak kayak FB yang dapat notif and you can always scroll down your profile wall :D

AS : Bagus gak tuh Twitter? Apa bedanya ma FB?

Aku: (bla bla bla ngejelasin, ke kalian gak usah yaa kan dah ngerti) Twitter tuh mesti dicek dan update terus pak, time consuming. Mendingan FB.

AS : Saya mau Twitter aja, gak mau senyam-senyum depan FB kayak istri saya ah. *gedubrak*

Aku: Tapi bapak mo Twitteran ma sapa? Gak gampang loh nemuin temen2 (seumuran) bapak di Twitter. *plus masa iya si bapak mo promo ke temen2 beliau baru bikin Twitter*

(ngejelasin lagi, betapa Twitter itu gak cucok ke beliau. Ya ampun sekretaris yang baik yaa aku, menyelamatkan bosku dari jeratan godaan Twitter *walau sendirinya punya akun :P*).

AS : Ya udah dah gak usah aja (ngambek bukan ini ya?!), ntar saya ribet lagi.

Aku: FB aja ya pak? *kekeh krn pengen liat update status beliau*

Nyala api keingintahuan beliau PADAM!

>> Di lain kesempatan<<

AS : Si R itu masih single atau udah nikah ya?

Aku: Sepengetahuan saya sih ada pacarnya pak, saya liat di FBnya.

AS : Emang bisa tau gitu?

Aku: Loh kan ada statusnya "in relationship with....."

AS : MASA?! Kok norak gitu, cuma pacaran diumumin di FB?

Aku: *sedikit ngeblush*

RR : (temen kantor nih) Iya pak memang gt, supaya gak flirting di FB.

AS : Hah kamu juga pasang?!

Hihihihi shock macam apakah ini? Social shock atau technology shock? :P