exhausted

My sis moved in with me a week ago, she's an older sis but i always feel like i'm babysitting her. She now works in town, my bro in law business. but its not her that makes me exhausted i guess, it was more to this constant thoughts and the torturing flood. for once in my life i didnt know where to rest, that damn flood even made me sick, still am. The only ones who care then, my best friend Sony and cousin Tari. I didnt even tell my mom.

Btw i had a bad dream last night, my tooth was off!! my aunt said its a bad sign of death. Since it was an upper tooth it meant that death of someone older, o'oh.

This circle of uncertainty

I feel like life's been so funny, entertaining and uncertain, it's good enough. Hehe last saturday night it was quite awkward for me, i spent the night with a girlfriend there's a sense of reminiscence as we shared the latest news. She accompanied me having my dinner and treated me a drink as part of her guilt for forgetting my birthday [she shouldnt have], then on the way home i thought i needed a pen. So I went to find one, but appeared that most of the stationery shops were closed. Suddenly I realized i was a girl half craving for a pen on Saturday night hehe, it was funny but for a reason of course that i need it for writing. But what sucked was that it led me to meet someone i least expected. O'oh.....

the question popped out

It’s just a week ago when Kaspar and I chatted on his birthday and we discussed about being too young to get married, but in the end we asked each other to get a spouse. He said “get yourself a husband” and yesterday the question popped out of nowhere. Question of “will you marry me?” from somebody else, not Kaspar of course. But it must be one of his jokes, that I don’t understand the reason why he even asked that. Somehow then I remember about my cousin wish for my birthday that I wouldn’t make it to my single-till-2010 resolution and reminds me to Josh who said that falling in love is such a waste of time and body. LMAO

I told 2 girls about it, Ulfa because she was happened to be online at the same time and Nova because she sent me text message asking what I got for my birthday from beloved one. They both thought it was someone from the program, they mentioned different names but it wasn’t them girls… Ulfa gave me this loonng advice while I haven’t even thought about it, Nova asked why I didn’t just be with “the name she mentioned” and I simply said he didn’t like me. Like Maniac Street Preacher says your love alone is not enough.

Being this old, thanks Menur for emphasizing on this, I now know that the beautiful feeling is not when you love someone but when you’re loved. It was there but I didn’t realize that’s what I wanted and all I had to do was putting a little effort to divert the feeling I had for somebody towards this person. But I also can’t say I made a mistake, at some point there’s something Avril would say as “it’s so beautiful, it makes you wanna cry” moment.

"Innocence"
Waking up I see that everything is OK
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling
[Chorus]
This innocence is brilliant
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don't go away
I need you nowAnd I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

[Chorus]
It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

This innocence is brilliant
Makes you wanna cry
This innocence is brilliance
Please don't go away
Cause I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by