earth, Sky and sunprint

I tiptoe with my bare feet every now and then
Not because am afraid earth would suck me
I wanna see the world from different height
Then I drop myself to the ground, another different height
Face to face with Sky and scream
Here I am you can fall on me
…..nothing happen…..
I fall asleep and wake up with
The sunprint on me

our own Pursuit of Happyness

When I said to someone “you can only be happy when you learn to laugh at your self” it didn’t mean that you had to mock yourself. It occurs to all my senses that when you laugh about everything that happens to you, even bad luck, you’re potentially a happy person. Maybe in the beginning it’d be a cynical laugh but hopefully it’ll be a sincere laugh which brings all the bad feeling away.

It’s human to be upset and grumpy about unfortunate events, like mine, or Kaspar used to say to me “why are you such a bitch today?” as I got too emotional about everything. But how long will we mourn for the bad-because-it’s-unwanted scenario? Laugh and it’ll go away.
Anyway I liked when Kaspar said “why are you such a bitch today?” because then we’d talk and I ended up fine. One day we kept in silence because he said something offending, I complained to Sony and he did either. The next day we’re already back to normal talking in the living room and when Sony saw this he said “you’re both unbelievable”. Maybe because we’re both Gemini but why couldn’t I get along with the other one? Ehmmm

Wednesday, series of unfortunate events

All happened on the last Wednesday of April, just the other week, all these bad luck if I may say so. It was started by the University program that I’ve been working on, it supposed to be done by now but the bureaucracy tried to kill me with its ultimate weapon, sucks. Dealing with the answer that it hadn’t done yet I went to internet café to update my blog and chatted with a friend, but for me, it ended up to be a bad conversation maybe because I was, somehow-unconsciously, had black cloud on my head. Then I wanted to take some money from my bank card, for going home bus fare, but the at-university ATM was “temporary unavailable” so then I headed to the bank which quite far. On the way there I hit a car while I was wondering whether the road I was going to was a one-way. I was so distracted, my mind was somewhere else because it was a stupid accident, not suppose to happen. 2nd accident happened on the way to Balikpapan, me and my cousin, Tari ended up went home with her bro in law, and omigod the driver was a racer, literally. He made the car jumped like a frog, and I bumped on the door handle, it’s just a scratch but still…we almost died twice as we almost hit other vehicles. Serem!

3rd accident, after we arrived in Balikpapan me and Tari went to eat meat balls but on the way there Tari hit an angkot [read: public vehicle], this time I already felt so unlucky so I let her ride the motorcycle. Thank the dear Lord, alhamdulillah, nothing happened to the angkot so we didn’t have to pay huhu. And guess what soon after the thing’s over policemen passed, I said to Tari we were lucky in a bad luck.

My remedy then was The Feeling’s songs…..[Danny boy don’t be afraid shake that ass and misbehave] and some wild screams but I think I’m ok except for this bruise on my leg which I didn’t realize until hours after. Quite nasty.

Btw I came across this writing that I liked from Ryan Ross,

Today I saw cancer, cigarettes and shortness of breath,
This is why I walk to the ocean, swim with sharks and jellyfish.
I may never get this chance again.
This is why if you want to kiss you should kiss
If you want to cry you should cry and
If you want to live you should live
You don’t have to love me. You already did

Dear my own definition of beauty

Dear my own definition of beauty,


Let me whisper to you in silent, I dreamt of you last night and among the others it’s only you I saw. Even in the world of unconsciousness you mesmerized me, of how real this dream could be. Let me whisper to you in your sleep and let you dream of me, because this is the best way to tell you how I feel without being unrealistic or hurting you. You might not be the last one in this lifetime quest but you’re the one I treasure the most in the way you touch my soul. And dear if I had no courage to say this and you wonder, listen to me in a lonely night of yours and you’ll hear what I whisper to you in silent. There’s no word for it, not even love.

Pulau Kumala [Kumala Island]

What a small picture it is, but see the writting above me and my family "Pulau Kumala" which means Kumala Island. I'm promoting it since i think quite a lot people are interested in visiting me, or actually seeing me at least Sony and Herry do. Pulau Kumala is located in Tenggarong, Kutai Kertanegara, a regency near by Samarinda the capital of East Kalimantan province.

This island lies in the middle of Mahakam river, pretty interesting although not well managed yet. There are several games you can play, but sometimes it's underconstruction or something. My fave is the BomBom Car, the mini go cart, even last year i played 2 rounds with my sis and bro without being ashamed that most of the player was kids hehehe.

Other nice thing is the transportation you take to cross to this island, there are two options. 1. Kereta Gantung, what is it in english??? Hanging train??Haha.... i forget the name. then 2. By boats, which i love better but also i like the option #1 since i then can see my freaked out step mom hehehe. Anyway i'm planning to go to Pulau Kumala soon in the future with Belu and cousins so maybe i can tell what's new about it.

on the spot poem from Maya

met you on an august day
swimming in your silly coat and hat
and smile
knew I´d be blessed to have you as a friend
didnt know we´d end up sharing a bed
cigarette embers on dark nights
too many laughs
some tears
and some silences
we lived a lot of sunny days
but youre always in my mind
and my heart
when it rains

That was a poem from Maya but i think then she thought it wasnt enough so she sent another one to me. Both are lovely...

omi you'd be proud
i've removed a shroud
of uncertainty
that i can rhyme in poetry
i think i better understand
the inky movement of your hands
spill out strings of cheezy lines
to find some light and truth to shine
after so many days of sun
wishing for thunder
to ease the hum drum

the memories are still so clear
though i havent seen you in a year

The Carpenters

I grew up listening to this duo without being conscious about it and in last three years I got to love them even more [do I use correct words?]. Love love love their every song, even most sappy song like…

I know I need to be in love
I know I’m wasting so much time…

Their cynical song about love…

What do you get when you fall in love
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble
That’s what you get for all your trouble
I’ll never fall in love again

What do you get when you kiss a guy
You got enough germs to get pneumonia
After you do he’ll never call you
I’ll never fall in love again

Their love song that became such a memorable song and made Maya said if she heard it again back home she would be stunned, Top of the World.

Everything I want the world to be
Is now coming true especially for me
And the reason is clear, it’s because
You are here, you’re the nearest thing
To heaven that I’ve seen

I’m on the top of the world, looking
Down on creation and the only
Explanation I can find is the love
That I found ever since you’ve been around
Your love’s put me at the top of the world

Aren’t I so old fashion or what, but funny how I lent their cd from the library along with Good Charlotte but Karen had a silent complain about the noise. Intinya, HIDUP CARPENTERS. Sipirili!!!!

My Belu

I finally got my own bike, not my very own but I can say my own until at least next 2 years. I call it Belu [Bebek Lucu] in account that it’s a motor bebek hehehe that’s how Indonesians call it. It was previously used by my sister, aha you can see from the scars it has. I think I’m a lousy driver but dunno why my sister had more incident than me. I have a future plan to bring Belu to places I’ve never been before such as Bontang. Just seen some pictures of Beras Basah from a photography exhibition and so interested in visiting it. Ayo!!!! But my Belu is one of the cause of global warming, why you consume fossil fuel Belu? Why?!!!!

Me on News

A week ago I was in the newspaper, still about the exchange program just like 2 years ago. My sister called me telling about that, then my step mom sent congratulation sms and at that time I didn’t know about the article yet. Then I bought it and soon realized it quite wasn’t right. It was written that I said the cities in Indonesia were messy, I didn’t say that although it was quite right but saying it in exchange program context was inappropriate. When I confirmed to the writer she said sorry and that the statement was a critic for the government, huh why then she used me!!!!

Delivering a baby

Babies and Pregnancy always amaze girls, or maybe only in Indonesia, but yeah all friends i know are soooo into babies, they're cute.

I thought none delivered a baby at home anymore until I heard my neighbor did. When I asked my aunty she said because it was cheaper.
I remember now that my host mom in Sontas delivered her 3rd child, Tiara at home too. Mom was a year older than me, sometimes it’s hard to call her mom, awkward.
It was a rainy night with lighting when Ella, mom’s sister [of course she was much younger than me], came into the room Maya and I were in. She had a serious face at that time and then she told me that mom was struggling downstairs to deliver the baby. Few times after, Ella went to check on mom and came back with the news that it was a baby girl. Maya was in disbelief, maybe because someone actually has delivered a baby in the she was in and all the struggling time we were upstairs waiting in silence.
It was January 3rd, exactly on Fernando’s birthday and we had a party for him. We went to the party quite soon after the baby arrived, went thru the rain. Did I wear my condom-look-alike raincoat? The party was more to a quiet party, no music no dance and as far as I can recall he got a weird birthday cake lol.

It’s been more than a year and I wonder how Tiara looks like now, maybe just like Ricci her older sister.

series of random and most real dream

this week i have this series of random dreams and some of them felt so real, involving people around me of course, maybe because they miss me huhuhuhu [narsistic mixed with over confidence]. the last one was quite distracting because it was about the motorcycle that actually will eventually come this sunday SIPIRILI.

today was the first day of the kaltim selection day for youth exchange program, i was preparing to go to be the cheerleader hehe and was thinking a silly idea about bringing my photos without any certain reason. i almost forgot it while dressing up for the selection, when i was about to leave the room i accidentally dropped the photos from the table and then grabbed with and mumbled that it's maybe a sign.

a reporter from Tribun newspaper suddenly appeared and first we thought she was one of the participants of the selection. she wanted some information about the program, she got information from my friends who absolutely more vocal than me but somehow i dunno why she then asked me, and only me, whether i had photos or not. my oh my, that was a sign ladies and gentlemen........

that's all for today-----peace

untukku [for me]

i said i wanted to have this song of Untukku in my wed, because it's so romantic.
it's about believing that this one person is only for you, no matter how far you go. so BELIEVE!



Kemana langkahku pergi
Slalu ada bayangmu
Ku yakin makna nurani
Kau takkan pernah terganti
Saat lautan kau sebrangi
Janganlah ragu bersauh
Ku percaya hati kecilku
Kau takkan berpaling

Reff:
Walau keujung dunia, pasti akan kunanti
Meski ke tujuh samudra, pasti ku kan menunggu
Karena ku yakin, Kau hanya untukku
kembali ke ->

Pandanglah bintang berpijar
Kau tak pernah tersembunyi
Dimana engkau beradaDisana cintaku

kembali ke Reff
(Duet): Walau ke ujung duniaPasti akan kunanti
Meski ketujuh samudraPasti ku kan menunggu (3x)
Karena ku yakin, kau hanya untukku
Karena ku yakin, kau hanya untukkuHanya untukku