Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Night 1
Sipping my coffee, it came late... as I came early to work. The coffee man asked me whether my boss will come today, and of course he will although a lil late since he will take his son to dentist.
There is a funny story about that coffee man and my boss, but now I want to talk about something else. This morning I felt like craving for egg sandwich as I rode my motorbike to work and remembered one night me and Loon (a nick name I give to my friend) went out for some good time. We went to this sandwich place by the the street recommended by Loon. The sandwich was good and so was the price.
As usual, we talked in English all the time for two reasons... One, no one can be snoopy whatsoever. Two, English dept students have to practice a lot right :D
Anyway, then everyone was watching us including these young men who served us (woohoo!) and then one of them asked were you from abroad? Before I even opened my mouth Loon already said "Yes, she's from Thailand" LOL. And the guy looked at me with excitement, wth.
If he had a lil bit of knowledge (without looking down at him or Thais) I'd say he'd know I wasn't a Thai. Thais have thick accent that would influence their English, funny words they'd say as they don't have some consonants. Plus me and Loon are so Javanese, at least to me Loon is... and I, according to my lovely lecturer Pak Bibit, am too.
After all, its a good laugh... We were so happy doing it and were about to do the crime again to the next shop haha when then I realized my student (I was teaching at a high school at that time for university requirement) was helping his brother, the owner of the shop. So I said to Loon, lets go home lol.
1001 nights with Loon.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Sparkle Quest
Close to tears, I find myself lost after the excitement... which sadly was just a temporary stage. I have not find what I was looking for, no sparkle could this little girl catch. And soon as I stare blankly at my empty hands, I sit down and think. What now?
I had no grand expectation put on my adventure and yet like any other characters I wish to find myself a happy ending or something close enough to it. Maybe a few months of surreal dreams, even that is impossible my friend.
IF I want to look back, I suppose I can have what I have had before... but do I really want to step back? Walk into the muddy path I struggled to get out from? There is a house, a familiar house though it's cold, by the end of that path but maybe I need a warmer one.
I guess I will just keep walking with my hands wide open, my eyes wide open and hopefully like that dark night by the river of Sekayam I will find "sparkles" coming out to light up (Andrew and Kaspar who were bathing :P) the world.
I had no grand expectation put on my adventure and yet like any other characters I wish to find myself a happy ending or something close enough to it. Maybe a few months of surreal dreams, even that is impossible my friend.
IF I want to look back, I suppose I can have what I have had before... but do I really want to step back? Walk into the muddy path I struggled to get out from? There is a house, a familiar house though it's cold, by the end of that path but maybe I need a warmer one.
I guess I will just keep walking with my hands wide open, my eyes wide open and hopefully like that dark night by the river of Sekayam I will find "sparkles" coming out to light up (Andrew and Kaspar who were bathing :P) the world.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Backpackers' Spirit
As much as IRC is addiction and source of freaks, I am always granted with bless to meet nice people and there in IRC I met Ayu and Icca who live far away from me. Different kinds of online chat tools stick us together, you name it. We are three girls that, who someone called MAFIA lol, share almost same story... share the same interests. I won't mention them all here now hehe.
But one of those interests is our passion for life-flipping conscience-challenging journey to lands of strangers. We want our feet to be swept over by an experience not everyone can live it, and somehow we realize we can not sit down and beg the sky to drop a free ticket.
So instead of wishing for my office to send me somewhere (more coz its extremely impossible) me and the girls are planning on saving and book tickets to go around EUROPE! Although my skeptical side says Europe is too big to be conquered by someone who has such short leave from work. And for someone with flat pocket like me... maybe Paolo Nutini's version is kinda better "short on money long on time" altho my preference if I had to choose one of them is most definitely "long on money short on time" :P
E.U.R.O.P.E
How to explore the whole continent?! It would be a life time job, unless:
a. You marry a millionaire.
b. You suddenly appointed by Lonely Planet (or the competitors) to do the pleasant job for them.
c. World has gone nuts and Rupiah (in our case) currency rockets UP to the sky I have John Travolta flies me to Greece. WICKED AWESOME!
Back to reality, me and Ayu are trying to figure out which spots we want to visit and HOW we actually come in the continent, tough job. Anyway to initially start the good will (hehe) we bought big map of Europe and sticked it on our walls. OFFICIAL PLAN ^-^
No adventures without obstacles, so here is the list of difficulties that cross my mind atm:
1. VISA, crucial - can not go without this.
2. Sufficient amount of money - its hard to predict how much money we actually need.
3. Fit the schedule - not only I have to arrange my leave plan, the three of us must make perfect calculation of timing and options of transportation to be on schedule.
Ah yeah have I mentioned we are going in 2012? Yupidu, I still have two years to fill my treasure bags. Making money is manageable but keeping it safe in my bank account is beyond belief tough hahaha. So wish me LUCK! Ayu and Icca, CHAYO!!!! <3
But one of those interests is our passion for life-flipping conscience-challenging journey to lands of strangers. We want our feet to be swept over by an experience not everyone can live it, and somehow we realize we can not sit down and beg the sky to drop a free ticket.
So instead of wishing for my office to send me somewhere (more coz its extremely impossible) me and the girls are planning on saving and book tickets to go around EUROPE! Although my skeptical side says Europe is too big to be conquered by someone who has such short leave from work. And for someone with flat pocket like me... maybe Paolo Nutini's version is kinda better "short on money long on time" altho my preference if I had to choose one of them is most definitely "long on money short on time" :P
E.U.R.O.P.E
How to explore the whole continent?! It would be a life time job, unless:
a. You marry a millionaire.
b. You suddenly appointed by Lonely Planet (or the competitors) to do the pleasant job for them.
c. World has gone nuts and Rupiah (in our case) currency rockets UP to the sky I have John Travolta flies me to Greece. WICKED AWESOME!
Back to reality, me and Ayu are trying to figure out which spots we want to visit and HOW we actually come in the continent, tough job. Anyway to initially start the good will (hehe) we bought big map of Europe and sticked it on our walls. OFFICIAL PLAN ^-^
No adventures without obstacles, so here is the list of difficulties that cross my mind atm:
1. VISA, crucial - can not go without this.
2. Sufficient amount of money - its hard to predict how much money we actually need.
3. Fit the schedule - not only I have to arrange my leave plan, the three of us must make perfect calculation of timing and options of transportation to be on schedule.
Ah yeah have I mentioned we are going in 2012? Yupidu, I still have two years to fill my treasure bags. Making money is manageable but keeping it safe in my bank account is beyond belief tough hahaha. So wish me LUCK! Ayu and Icca, CHAYO!!!! <3
Thursday, November 11, 2010
w.a.k.t.u
perputaran itu terlalu cepat, kata Ku dewasa
sementara dia berusaha menjejakkan kakinya kuat-kuat
agar waktu berhenti sedangkan Ku remaja hanya melirik
melengos sambil memainkan rambutnya, tak habis pikir
Ku tua tersenyum penuh arti melihat Ku dewasa
kau hanya menyakiti dirimu sendiri dengan usahamu itu, nak
waktu sudah sangat terkenal tegas dan disiplin
apa yang membuatmu berpikir dia akan berhenti
walau hanya untuk menatapmu sejenak?
kenali dia, mungkin kau akan berteman dengannya
seperti aku, kata Ku tua lirih
aku yang berkata pada teman baikku itu
waktu yang bijak, bisakah kau berlari hanya untukku?
sementara dia berusaha menjejakkan kakinya kuat-kuat
agar waktu berhenti sedangkan Ku remaja hanya melirik
melengos sambil memainkan rambutnya, tak habis pikir
Ku tua tersenyum penuh arti melihat Ku dewasa
kau hanya menyakiti dirimu sendiri dengan usahamu itu, nak
waktu sudah sangat terkenal tegas dan disiplin
apa yang membuatmu berpikir dia akan berhenti
walau hanya untuk menatapmu sejenak?
kenali dia, mungkin kau akan berteman dengannya
seperti aku, kata Ku tua lirih
aku yang berkata pada teman baikku itu
waktu yang bijak, bisakah kau berlari hanya untukku?
Reflection
I was quite sure the face I saw wasn’t mine,
And yet part of me belongs to it as
It looked back at me
Staring at that reflection longer than I meant to
Didn’t help me at all at the same time
But then I knew the name of that face, meine Liebe
One I gave my fragile heart and did it happen?
That half of me flied to him, either his to me?
My heart worked faster at the bizarre thought
That it could be the missing piece of this puzzle
Of why this surrealism ever existed.
And yet part of me belongs to it as
It looked back at me
Staring at that reflection longer than I meant to
Didn’t help me at all at the same time
But then I knew the name of that face, meine Liebe
One I gave my fragile heart and did it happen?
That half of me flied to him, either his to me?
My heart worked faster at the bizarre thought
That it could be the missing piece of this puzzle
Of why this surrealism ever existed.
Lelaki
Entah apa yang membawaku untuk berdiri didepan jendela itu, suara hati? Entahlah. Disana seorang lelaki terbingkai sempurna lengkap dengan simbol kejantanan [setidaknya begitu anggapan orang, tidak termasuk aku, tentang...] rokok di antara jemari tangan kirinya sementara tangan kanannya bertumpu pada pagar beton dimana dia duduk. Setelah sebuah hisapan panjang dia membiarkan tangan kiri berikut rokoknya ikut bertumpu di pagar beton selaras dengan sang kanan.
Walau duduk membelakangiku dapat ku baca di punggungnya raut menerawang. Ketika sekali lagi dia menghisap rokoknya ku lihat kepalanya mengikuti asap rokok yang dari tempatku berdiri tampak seperti keluar dari kepalanya yang terdongak menatap asap yang terbang ke atas dan hilang, sekarang dia justru tampak seperti bocah ingusan yang terpukau melihat betapa ajaibnya sang asap. Mengingatkan ku pada masa kecil kala aku dengan antusias menonton bapak merokok sambil berkata " Ayo pak lagi, keluarin asapnya lewat hidung" takjub melihat yang dihisap lewat mulut keluar dari hidung kemudian hilang blas tanpa bekas. Kalau saja aku yang bocah tidak melihat hampir semua lelaki dewasa merokok pasti dengan bangga aku menganggap bapakku pesulap.
Lelaki itu sekarang menjentikkan rokoknya dan abu pun berguguran di rumput hijauku yang oleh lelaki itu dianggap sebagai asbak rokok jagad raya ini. Oh Tuhan... dia adalah salah satu dari manusia-manusia itu, mereka yang menganggap bumi ini adalah tempat sampah jagad raya ini. Mereka yang berpikir sungai mempunyai ilmu gaib yang dapat menghilangkan sampah yang mereka buang ke dalamnya. Tragis miris!
Kemudian pikiran positifku berkata, "Tak mengapa, itu cuma ABU, dia bukannya membuang plastik yang bikin bumi sesak nafas, Las!" Mungkin dia bukan salah satu dari mereka dan kembali ku menatap punggungnya walau itu tak memberi jawaban sampai ketika lelaki itu tiba-tiba membuatku terlonjak bangga setengah mati. Dengan sabar dinantinya bara api kecil di ujung sisa rokoknya padam dengan sendirinya, kehabisan medium menyusut dan mati kemudian diletakkanlah oleh lelaki itu, sang puntung ke saku celana panjang hitamnya tanpa berdiri. Terus dia duduk di pagar beton sampai matahari mulai terlihat kehilangan daya, alam menawarkan lembayung yang menentramkan jiwa yang letih setelah hari yang panjang.
Aku bersiap untuk melihat lelaki itu berdiri, seperti sang sutradara yang tahu persis apa yang dia ingin tokohnya lakukan. Maka berdirilah dia dengan cepat dan memutar badannya yang artinya kini dia berhadapan denganku dalam jarak lima belas meter yang memisahkan kami dan dapat kulihat dengan jelas sekarang raut yang kubaca lewat punggungnya...... matanya yang tersenyum padaku detik ini.
Ku lihat bocah ingusan itu lagi, kini di bola matanya, seakan dia tergelak sambil menceritakan kisah lucunya. Lelaki bermata bocah itu telah berada di depan pintu rumahku, dapat ku dengar nafas teraturnya dari balik sekat kayu jati yang kemudian ku buka perlahan, seketika itu angin menghembuskan perpaduan antara wangi parfumnya yang kubelikan sebagai hadiah ulang tahunnya dan bau asap rokok yang biasanya selalu membuatku mengomel panjang karena menempel lekat di kemejanya tapi hari ini aku ingin mencintai lelaki bermata bocah itu terlebih ketika dia berkata, "Sayang, aku pulang".
Walau duduk membelakangiku dapat ku baca di punggungnya raut menerawang. Ketika sekali lagi dia menghisap rokoknya ku lihat kepalanya mengikuti asap rokok yang dari tempatku berdiri tampak seperti keluar dari kepalanya yang terdongak menatap asap yang terbang ke atas dan hilang, sekarang dia justru tampak seperti bocah ingusan yang terpukau melihat betapa ajaibnya sang asap. Mengingatkan ku pada masa kecil kala aku dengan antusias menonton bapak merokok sambil berkata " Ayo pak lagi, keluarin asapnya lewat hidung" takjub melihat yang dihisap lewat mulut keluar dari hidung kemudian hilang blas tanpa bekas. Kalau saja aku yang bocah tidak melihat hampir semua lelaki dewasa merokok pasti dengan bangga aku menganggap bapakku pesulap.
Lelaki itu sekarang menjentikkan rokoknya dan abu pun berguguran di rumput hijauku yang oleh lelaki itu dianggap sebagai asbak rokok jagad raya ini. Oh Tuhan... dia adalah salah satu dari manusia-manusia itu, mereka yang menganggap bumi ini adalah tempat sampah jagad raya ini. Mereka yang berpikir sungai mempunyai ilmu gaib yang dapat menghilangkan sampah yang mereka buang ke dalamnya. Tragis miris!
Kemudian pikiran positifku berkata, "Tak mengapa, itu cuma ABU, dia bukannya membuang plastik yang bikin bumi sesak nafas, Las!" Mungkin dia bukan salah satu dari mereka dan kembali ku menatap punggungnya walau itu tak memberi jawaban sampai ketika lelaki itu tiba-tiba membuatku terlonjak bangga setengah mati. Dengan sabar dinantinya bara api kecil di ujung sisa rokoknya padam dengan sendirinya, kehabisan medium menyusut dan mati kemudian diletakkanlah oleh lelaki itu, sang puntung ke saku celana panjang hitamnya tanpa berdiri. Terus dia duduk di pagar beton sampai matahari mulai terlihat kehilangan daya, alam menawarkan lembayung yang menentramkan jiwa yang letih setelah hari yang panjang.
Aku bersiap untuk melihat lelaki itu berdiri, seperti sang sutradara yang tahu persis apa yang dia ingin tokohnya lakukan. Maka berdirilah dia dengan cepat dan memutar badannya yang artinya kini dia berhadapan denganku dalam jarak lima belas meter yang memisahkan kami dan dapat kulihat dengan jelas sekarang raut yang kubaca lewat punggungnya...... matanya yang tersenyum padaku detik ini.
Ku lihat bocah ingusan itu lagi, kini di bola matanya, seakan dia tergelak sambil menceritakan kisah lucunya. Lelaki bermata bocah itu telah berada di depan pintu rumahku, dapat ku dengar nafas teraturnya dari balik sekat kayu jati yang kemudian ku buka perlahan, seketika itu angin menghembuskan perpaduan antara wangi parfumnya yang kubelikan sebagai hadiah ulang tahunnya dan bau asap rokok yang biasanya selalu membuatku mengomel panjang karena menempel lekat di kemejanya tapi hari ini aku ingin mencintai lelaki bermata bocah itu terlebih ketika dia berkata, "Sayang, aku pulang".
dia
Aku masih penuh tanya bagaimana dia menyebutkan namaku dengan begitu berbeda, nama sederhanaku yang hanya TIGA huruf. Kamu lagi jatuh cinta tuh, kata sahabatku, aku bisa liat dari wajahmu kentara sekali! Itu ketika aku sedang duduk di sebelah dia di sofa empuk dan berbagi selimut di pagi yang dingin, ketika di luar terlihat embun masih menghalangi pandangan.
Hanya beberapa jam yang lalu kami, aku, dia dan beserta beberapa teman lain, berada di bus malam menuju kota dingin ini. Kami duduk berdua di dalam bis menjauhkan diri dari teman-teman yang sesekali melirik usil ingin tahu kami sedang apa, mereka yang lebih centil daripada gadis-gadis SMU itu terus melongokkan kepala ke arah kami. Kami sedang apa? Hmmm membaca majalah sambil setengah mati memutar otak agar komentar yang keluar membuat lawan bicara kagum atau paling tidak terdengar CERDAS di telinga sendiri. Untung saja majalah yang kami baca bukan Cosmopolitan, bisa mati duduk aku! *pikirkan saja topik diskusi yang bisa diambil dari Cosmopolitan*
Setelah habis membolak-balik majalah kami malah diam seperti adegan malam pertama penganten India, aku menatap jendela bis mencoba memandang keluar walau aku tak lagi bisa melihat pemandangan di luar karena telah ditelan pekatnya malam dan terangnya lampu di dalam bis yang malah memantulkan gerak-gerik para penumpang, aku merasa seperti bercermin. Alih-alih mematut-matut diri sendiri aku mengamati bayangannya, dia yang mulai bercakap-cakap dengan pria tua dengan botol minuman keras di tangan dan tawaran untuk berbagi tegukan remeh temeh ditolaknya dengan sopan.
Si pria tua mulai bercerita tentang mengapa dia berada di bis yang kami tumpangi itu, setangkapku pria tua itu dalam perjalananan ke rumahnya setelah bertahun-tahun tidak pulang. Dia bahkan tidak tahu apakah keluarganya akan menerima kepulangannya dengan tangan terbuka. Pada titik ini aku berusaha meyakinkan diri semua ini bukan bagian dari reality show, tidak ada kamera whatsoever! Tapi cerita ini pastinya bakal bikin produser reality show tertarik.
Aku menonton percakapan mereka dari “layar jendela bis” dan sesekali ku lihat dia menengok ke arahku entah apa maksudnya. Mungkin dia ingin mengecek apa aku masih duduk manis di sampingnya, walaupun gak ada kemungkinan aku lompat keluar dari jendela bis karena bis itu mengadopsi design akuarium! Atau mungkin dia memberi aku delikan minta tolong agar diselamatkan dari percakapan dengan pria tua itu yang, jika benar, kurang berhasil dilakukannya. Aku malah berkata dalam hati, kau terlihat begitu manis saat ngobrol dengan orang asing. Dan itu adalah salah satu keahliannya yang perlahan ditularkannya padaku, “The Art of Talking to Strangers”.
Tak lama kemudian pria tua itu bangkit dari tempat duduknya, bagi seseorang yang cukup lama meninggalkan kota dingin ini pria tua itu memiliki daya ingat yang cukup hebat terlebih dengan kemungkinan dia sedang mabuk, dan kemudian dia berkata bahwa dia akan turun di pemberhentian berikutnya. Saat itu aku mulai memperhatikan pria tua itu tanpa perantara jendela bis sambil menyelipkan lenganku ke lengan dia yang duduk disampingku yang juga tengah memandang pria tua itu. Dalam salam perpisahannya untuk teman barunya pria tua itu berkata baik-baiklah kau dan gadismu, sambil tersenyum padaku mempertontonkan sederetan gigi yang telah ompong di beberapa tempat dimakan usia dan mungkin kebiasaan buruknya. Serta merta aku berseru dalam hati, sepertinya aku menyukaimu pak tua! dan tersenyum padanya.
Sepanjang sisa perjalanan there we were, with arms clenched-silently joyful hearted.
Hanya beberapa jam yang lalu kami, aku, dia dan beserta beberapa teman lain, berada di bus malam menuju kota dingin ini. Kami duduk berdua di dalam bis menjauhkan diri dari teman-teman yang sesekali melirik usil ingin tahu kami sedang apa, mereka yang lebih centil daripada gadis-gadis SMU itu terus melongokkan kepala ke arah kami. Kami sedang apa? Hmmm membaca majalah sambil setengah mati memutar otak agar komentar yang keluar membuat lawan bicara kagum atau paling tidak terdengar CERDAS di telinga sendiri. Untung saja majalah yang kami baca bukan Cosmopolitan, bisa mati duduk aku! *pikirkan saja topik diskusi yang bisa diambil dari Cosmopolitan*
Setelah habis membolak-balik majalah kami malah diam seperti adegan malam pertama penganten India, aku menatap jendela bis mencoba memandang keluar walau aku tak lagi bisa melihat pemandangan di luar karena telah ditelan pekatnya malam dan terangnya lampu di dalam bis yang malah memantulkan gerak-gerik para penumpang, aku merasa seperti bercermin. Alih-alih mematut-matut diri sendiri aku mengamati bayangannya, dia yang mulai bercakap-cakap dengan pria tua dengan botol minuman keras di tangan dan tawaran untuk berbagi tegukan remeh temeh ditolaknya dengan sopan.
Si pria tua mulai bercerita tentang mengapa dia berada di bis yang kami tumpangi itu, setangkapku pria tua itu dalam perjalananan ke rumahnya setelah bertahun-tahun tidak pulang. Dia bahkan tidak tahu apakah keluarganya akan menerima kepulangannya dengan tangan terbuka. Pada titik ini aku berusaha meyakinkan diri semua ini bukan bagian dari reality show, tidak ada kamera whatsoever! Tapi cerita ini pastinya bakal bikin produser reality show tertarik.
Aku menonton percakapan mereka dari “layar jendela bis” dan sesekali ku lihat dia menengok ke arahku entah apa maksudnya. Mungkin dia ingin mengecek apa aku masih duduk manis di sampingnya, walaupun gak ada kemungkinan aku lompat keluar dari jendela bis karena bis itu mengadopsi design akuarium! Atau mungkin dia memberi aku delikan minta tolong agar diselamatkan dari percakapan dengan pria tua itu yang, jika benar, kurang berhasil dilakukannya. Aku malah berkata dalam hati, kau terlihat begitu manis saat ngobrol dengan orang asing. Dan itu adalah salah satu keahliannya yang perlahan ditularkannya padaku, “The Art of Talking to Strangers”.
Tak lama kemudian pria tua itu bangkit dari tempat duduknya, bagi seseorang yang cukup lama meninggalkan kota dingin ini pria tua itu memiliki daya ingat yang cukup hebat terlebih dengan kemungkinan dia sedang mabuk, dan kemudian dia berkata bahwa dia akan turun di pemberhentian berikutnya. Saat itu aku mulai memperhatikan pria tua itu tanpa perantara jendela bis sambil menyelipkan lenganku ke lengan dia yang duduk disampingku yang juga tengah memandang pria tua itu. Dalam salam perpisahannya untuk teman barunya pria tua itu berkata baik-baiklah kau dan gadismu, sambil tersenyum padaku mempertontonkan sederetan gigi yang telah ompong di beberapa tempat dimakan usia dan mungkin kebiasaan buruknya. Serta merta aku berseru dalam hati, sepertinya aku menyukaimu pak tua! dan tersenyum padanya.
Sepanjang sisa perjalanan there we were, with arms clenched-silently joyful hearted.
Gargle Please!
Yesi and I talked about Dental Care as our topic at the radio show this week.
Omi : Do you think they have tooth sealants here in Indonesia? Since i never heard of it.
Yesi : Well they might, you should ask to the dentist.
Omi : Hmm ask eh?!
Yesi : But you know when i tried to ask something to my dentist he glared at me and gave such reluctant response.
Omi : You know the dilemma of being a dentist with a full-of-questions patient?
Yesi : What?
Omi : He cant say, SHUT UP!
Maybe all he can say then,"Ok, now you gargle!" :D
Omi : Do you think they have tooth sealants here in Indonesia? Since i never heard of it.
Yesi : Well they might, you should ask to the dentist.
Omi : Hmm ask eh?!
Yesi : But you know when i tried to ask something to my dentist he glared at me and gave such reluctant response.
Omi : You know the dilemma of being a dentist with a full-of-questions patient?
Yesi : What?
Omi : He cant say, SHUT UP!
Maybe all he can say then,"Ok, now you gargle!" :D
Dia Yang Kelabu
Teruntuk dia yang kelabu
yang berada diantara gadis itu dan aku
mengajukan pertanyaan akan cintaku
di wajahnya ku liat...
kesendirian, harapan, cinta, dan kelabu
kesempatan, keputusasaan, dan ketidakpedulian
ketika dia menawarkan tangannya padaku
gambaran kesemua hal itu datang satu per satu
namun aku tak mau menebak
apakah itu cinta atau kesendirian
yang membuatnya ada
atau aku hanya pilihan setelah penolakan.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
For him who is grey
who's between her and me
proposes a question on my feeling
On his face I see the images...
of loneliness, hope, love and darkness
opportunity, despair and ignorance
Once, he came to offer me his hand
the flash of the images came before me
but I refused to guess his motive
Was it love or loneliness
that created this situation
or was I merely a choice between choices and rejection?
yang berada diantara gadis itu dan aku
mengajukan pertanyaan akan cintaku
di wajahnya ku liat...
kesendirian, harapan, cinta, dan kelabu
kesempatan, keputusasaan, dan ketidakpedulian
ketika dia menawarkan tangannya padaku
gambaran kesemua hal itu datang satu per satu
namun aku tak mau menebak
apakah itu cinta atau kesendirian
yang membuatnya ada
atau aku hanya pilihan setelah penolakan.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
For him who is grey
who's between her and me
proposes a question on my feeling
On his face I see the images...
of loneliness, hope, love and darkness
opportunity, despair and ignorance
Once, he came to offer me his hand
the flash of the images came before me
but I refused to guess his motive
Was it love or loneliness
that created this situation
or was I merely a choice between choices and rejection?
HAIL WOMEN!
I don’t know what to argue about on topic about men vs women but this one male friend said to me TWICE that women are stupid. It seems to me that he needs to open his horizon much more. Maybe he watches Beauty Pageants too often, well like my girl friend says its Beauty Pageant after all not Brain Pageant so what do you expect? It doesn’t take so much brain work to smile at the crowd and answer the questions you have practiced zillions of time… and if you’re lucky you get the chance to wave to people.
Anyhow back to the stupid statement. I think many men don’t realize how many women lose their chance to be even smarter than they already are coz they choose to raise their kids or to take care of their husbands. It’s beyond imagination how tortured they are to think about the “what if”, but heck men don’t care. They always think *I* am the money maker here, *I* am the smart one. And when a woman is smart, her man possibly calls her naggy * just another N word lol*. I gotta say not many men can handle smart opinionated women, they would end up giving up and turn to obedient Asian women lol [who I wish wouldn’t accept losers]. A bit sad to say as I am myself an Asian woman, but the thing is I’m men’s ego crusher kind of Asian woman :P feed the ego first then crush them to pieces [only if they don’t worth the love :P]
Speaking of certain race and men hehe… my friend was with this man from different race, he can’t take NO from women. They [men of his kind] expect us [women] to always do what they say, agree with what they do. Duh guys you’re so medieval, go back to the time era where you belong or go extinct!! With these kind of guys, I say NO just for fun and they will sulk for sure. *yo peace dude*
Why I write this? Well I just want to remind people that women are something, regardless of their IQ level or achievements. We are strong, mentally we are [guess why jails are so full of men? Coz we women are too afraid to commit crimes?! Well good for us, coz we look for better ways to solve probs :D], not necessarily physically strong. Women have to go thru excruciating pain of labor, you don’t come from a rock, and they also taught you your first words coz your dad was too busy at work. [I start to ramble again lol].
I won’t be fully unfair to men hehe, I’ve met with ones with intelligence and good respect to women. I bow with my deepest respect to them, as they are rare. But I also know some manwhores *gosh I wish I could tag them hahaha too bad they’re gone from my list :P* HAIL MEN
*giggle out - peace out*
Anyhow back to the stupid statement. I think many men don’t realize how many women lose their chance to be even smarter than they already are coz they choose to raise their kids or to take care of their husbands. It’s beyond imagination how tortured they are to think about the “what if”, but heck men don’t care. They always think *I* am the money maker here, *I* am the smart one. And when a woman is smart, her man possibly calls her naggy * just another N word lol*. I gotta say not many men can handle smart opinionated women, they would end up giving up and turn to obedient Asian women lol [who I wish wouldn’t accept losers]. A bit sad to say as I am myself an Asian woman, but the thing is I’m men’s ego crusher kind of Asian woman :P feed the ego first then crush them to pieces [only if they don’t worth the love :P]
Speaking of certain race and men hehe… my friend was with this man from different race, he can’t take NO from women. They [men of his kind] expect us [women] to always do what they say, agree with what they do. Duh guys you’re so medieval, go back to the time era where you belong or go extinct!! With these kind of guys, I say NO just for fun and they will sulk for sure. *yo peace dude*
Why I write this? Well I just want to remind people that women are something, regardless of their IQ level or achievements. We are strong, mentally we are [guess why jails are so full of men? Coz we women are too afraid to commit crimes?! Well good for us, coz we look for better ways to solve probs :D], not necessarily physically strong. Women have to go thru excruciating pain of labor, you don’t come from a rock, and they also taught you your first words coz your dad was too busy at work. [I start to ramble again lol].
I won’t be fully unfair to men hehe, I’ve met with ones with intelligence and good respect to women. I bow with my deepest respect to them, as they are rare. But I also know some manwhores *gosh I wish I could tag them hahaha too bad they’re gone from my list :P* HAIL MEN
*giggle out - peace out*
If my heart convinced me to fall for strangers
If my heart convinced me to fall for strangers
I’d fall for….
The hearts of old couple who I always see at the park every afternoon
Sitting on a bench talking to each other or just watching younger lives pass the park. I want to fall for two hearts that grow old together.
The smile and kindness of a man who opened the door for me at coffee shop around the corner. He shared me a thought of a good day just by knowing nice strangers do exist.
The joy in a girl’s face, as she rode her bike under the sun and the wind played with her dress. I could hear groovy music followed her as she paddled the bike away from me.
The ….. of this group of homeless people who sat and talked to me when I was waiting for a friend at a bus station. After some time they changed my worries and uneasiness to laughter and amazement of how nice they were to a stranger like me. I fell for this cute experience.
Not really a stranger, but I’d fall for the way my friend described how he felt when his son was born. “It blew me away” he said, he fell in love with his son like crazy in an instant. I hope one day I will be in his shoes, filled with unconditional love my mom was full of because of my existence.
The puzzlement on a child’s innocent face, I don’t have to describe how cute it is. I just want to give the child a smooch on the nose.
The bizarre-complicated-poetic-beautifulminded poets, I already fell and will always fall for you. Nothing really is indescribable. Words exist to put everything into its place.
I’d fall for….
The hearts of old couple who I always see at the park every afternoon
Sitting on a bench talking to each other or just watching younger lives pass the park. I want to fall for two hearts that grow old together.
The smile and kindness of a man who opened the door for me at coffee shop around the corner. He shared me a thought of a good day just by knowing nice strangers do exist.
The joy in a girl’s face, as she rode her bike under the sun and the wind played with her dress. I could hear groovy music followed her as she paddled the bike away from me.
The ….. of this group of homeless people who sat and talked to me when I was waiting for a friend at a bus station. After some time they changed my worries and uneasiness to laughter and amazement of how nice they were to a stranger like me. I fell for this cute experience.
Not really a stranger, but I’d fall for the way my friend described how he felt when his son was born. “It blew me away” he said, he fell in love with his son like crazy in an instant. I hope one day I will be in his shoes, filled with unconditional love my mom was full of because of my existence.
The puzzlement on a child’s innocent face, I don’t have to describe how cute it is. I just want to give the child a smooch on the nose.
The bizarre-complicated-poetic-beautifulminded poets, I already fell and will always fall for you. Nothing really is indescribable. Words exist to put everything into its place.
We Are The Summer
Don’t ask me a thing now, just for now don’t try to understand me
I just want to be distant, bizarre, un-understandable and weird as that
Refuse to talk but to the sun, the clouds, and the wind
You wouldn’t understand this feeling, so just don’t say a thing
Stand there, wait till I calm down and come to my senses.
I need you to be there in your silence with your eyes open wide
Watching me letting the universe absorbs my tantrum away
Once I’m done, you will be my sun – together we’ll be summer
I will do the funny dance you will play your orange guitar
On a lucky day I will convince you to walk on your bare feet
To feel the happiness of tiptoeing on wet grass and concrete
As the night falls into its place, we’ll warm up the wind and let it blows
Warm humor to young couple watching romance movie at the park
Then look up the sky of the dark night, you shall see…
Tiny lights twirl in the air doing all the magic for the human kind
And yes my dear, I will seal the summer night with some kisses between your ears.
But for now, don’t ask me a thing. I want to be distant just like this.
I just want to be distant, bizarre, un-understandable and weird as that
Refuse to talk but to the sun, the clouds, and the wind
You wouldn’t understand this feeling, so just don’t say a thing
Stand there, wait till I calm down and come to my senses.
I need you to be there in your silence with your eyes open wide
Watching me letting the universe absorbs my tantrum away
Once I’m done, you will be my sun – together we’ll be summer
I will do the funny dance you will play your orange guitar
On a lucky day I will convince you to walk on your bare feet
To feel the happiness of tiptoeing on wet grass and concrete
As the night falls into its place, we’ll warm up the wind and let it blows
Warm humor to young couple watching romance movie at the park
Then look up the sky of the dark night, you shall see…
Tiny lights twirl in the air doing all the magic for the human kind
And yes my dear, I will seal the summer night with some kisses between your ears.
But for now, don’t ask me a thing. I want to be distant just like this.
Girls
----------------------girls---------------------
--------------are like apples----------------
----------on trees. The best ones----------
---------are at the top of the tree.---------
-------The boys dont want to reach--------
-----for the good ones because they-------
--are afraid of falling and getting hurt.----
---Instead, they get the rotten apples-----
---from the ground that arent as good, ---
---but easy. So the apples up top think---
----something wrong w/ them when in----
-----reality they're amazing. They just----
------have to wait for the right boy to-----
-------come along, the one who's----------
------------- brave enough to---------------
------------------climb all--------------------
------------------the way--------------------
-----------------to the top-------------------
----------------of the tree.------------------
Am I one of the up top apples?
Friday, October 15, 2010
Empower Yourself Women!
Today our office chit-chat was about sex workers who I saw raided by the police, people (read: men) yelled at them. I shared some stories from when I worked as interpreter for an HIV/AIDS NGO and interviewed sex workers. How young and innocent some sex workers were.
On one occasion we had a relax convo with some new girls in a "complex", we asked the girls whether they offered their costumers to use condoms before having intercourse. Mostly they said they did and the costumers mostly declined, but I read confusion on one girl's face. She was young, looked like the youngest among the girl. With low voice she told her friend that her client(s) wanted to use condom but she refused. DANG!
I can guarantee she didn't share the same reason why she didn't want to use condom with big number of men. Nothing about discomfort or dissatisfaction. She was just completely innocent with some fears towards stuff she never encountered before. She must have felt weirded out of that offer (IF she was that innocent). I could not blame her, just felt so sorry of her innocence (rarely we feel this way) and that she didn't feel like asking to anyone about this, until that day.
So we explained to her about condom, how it's supposed to protect her... something that she was supposed to enforce her clients to use.
Back to the talk at the office, I mentioned to the others that there is female condom. Apparently no one has heard of it before, they started asking me how it was and how to put it on. Every body was aware of female anatomy lol. Well I know the shape of female condom, bigger than male condom, same material, with no dead-end hehehe. But then WE wondered how it's supposed to be inserted into vagina. Would we need male's organ to push it inside? If so, then it kinda intrigue the idea of this female condom. Choice to protect ourselves (women), when we are faced to the fact that men refuse to use condom. Hmm so it's more like saying to men "suck it up!" hehe. Anyway Google helped, I found this picture of how to put this condom on. OUCHIE x__x
As far as I know, female condom is being promoted in Africa along with big number of rapes there. Self protection that is. Question from me now, so girls have to put this on daily basis? :|
It's even hard to put it on!
Regret Song (doh!)
Detaching plan becomes harder as Maroon 5 bloody sings this song -.-'
HOW
I have been searching for your touch
Unlike any touch I've ever known
And I never thought about you much
Til I'm broken down and all alone, ohhh
Though I don't understand the meaning of love
I do not mind if I die trying, ohhh
Took it for granted when you lifted me up
I'm asking for your help
I am going through hell
Afraid nothing can save me but the sound of your voice
You cut out all the noise
And now that I can see mistakes so clearly now
I'd kill if I could take you back
But how?
But how?
I can feel it in my guts
What's going on with him now
And don't patronise me with lies
I'm a man, be a woman now, ohhh
I have been bind by the shackles of love
And I don't mind if I die tied up, ohhh
Took it for granted when you lifted me up
I'm asking for your help
I am going through hell
Afraid nothing can save me but the sound of your voice
You cut out all the noise
And now that I can see mistakes so clearly now
I'd kill if I could take you back
But how?
But how?
But how?
But how?
Ohh yeah
Why must we be so ugly
And please do not think ill of me
Why does the one you love
Become the one who makes you want to cry
Why?
Why?
Why?
(And how?
How?)
But I don't understand the meaning of love
I do not mind if I die trying
I do not mind if I die trying
I do not mind if I die trying
Unlike any touch I've ever known
And I never thought about you much
Til I'm broken down and all alone, ohhh
Though I don't understand the meaning of love
I do not mind if I die trying, ohhh
Took it for granted when you lifted me up
I'm asking for your help
I am going through hell
Afraid nothing can save me but the sound of your voice
You cut out all the noise
And now that I can see mistakes so clearly now
I'd kill if I could take you back
But how?
But how?
I can feel it in my guts
What's going on with him now
And don't patronise me with lies
I'm a man, be a woman now, ohhh
I have been bind by the shackles of love
And I don't mind if I die tied up, ohhh
Took it for granted when you lifted me up
I'm asking for your help
I am going through hell
Afraid nothing can save me but the sound of your voice
You cut out all the noise
And now that I can see mistakes so clearly now
I'd kill if I could take you back
But how?
But how?
But how?
But how?
Ohh yeah
Why must we be so ugly
And please do not think ill of me
Why does the one you love
Become the one who makes you want to cry
Why?
Why?
Why?
(And how?
How?)
But I don't understand the meaning of love
I do not mind if I die trying
I do not mind if I die trying
I do not mind if I die trying
DIE YOU DIE
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Nizar's work
I asked Nizar to look for some pictures for me on facebook, to be put on this blog. Well I asked for his favor coz I can't access facebook from work as I mentioned before AND because I had no pics here with me :D And he spent some time to make this one, thanks Niz :)
Kuku
Kamis pagi, jam 8.30- 9.30 MORNING MEETING.
Hari ini AS agak santai, malahan bilang mau pulang aja (AYO!!!). Waktu kami satu per satu kasih report tiba-tiba beliau berdiri, ternyata ngambil jepit kuku (read: nail clipper). Sambil dengerin dan kasih input, AS asik motongin kukunya... telaten banget. Lama baru beliau sadar kalau kami semua ngeliatin beliau yang lagi potong kuku lol. Trus bilang "ngapain sih kalian semua ngeliatin gue lagi potong kuku?". Yeeeee
Spontan si RR bilang "Ya kan bapak lagi ngomong, ya diliatin", ck ck ck. Trus pake ngikir kuku lagi, katanya supaya gak tajam tuh kuku yang abis dipotong. Lucunya pak SR (tokoh baru) nyaranin untuk kasih air aja tuh kuku biar halus, gak tajam. Sontak AS yang kritis bilang "Ah ngaco lu, mana bisa? Dimana logikanya?" hahaha setuju.
Masa air bisa bikin kuku gak tajam, kalo gitu buat apa ada kikir lol. Menelurkan ide aneh adalah bunuh diri (mending diem?!), bakalan dicerca abis-abisan siap-siap aja dengan argument yang edan sekalian :D
Hari ini AS agak santai, malahan bilang mau pulang aja (AYO!!!). Waktu kami satu per satu kasih report tiba-tiba beliau berdiri, ternyata ngambil jepit kuku (read: nail clipper). Sambil dengerin dan kasih input, AS asik motongin kukunya... telaten banget. Lama baru beliau sadar kalau kami semua ngeliatin beliau yang lagi potong kuku lol. Trus bilang "ngapain sih kalian semua ngeliatin gue lagi potong kuku?". Yeeeee
Spontan si RR bilang "Ya kan bapak lagi ngomong, ya diliatin", ck ck ck. Trus pake ngikir kuku lagi, katanya supaya gak tajam tuh kuku yang abis dipotong. Lucunya pak SR (tokoh baru) nyaranin untuk kasih air aja tuh kuku biar halus, gak tajam. Sontak AS yang kritis bilang "Ah ngaco lu, mana bisa? Dimana logikanya?" hahaha setuju.
Masa air bisa bikin kuku gak tajam, kalo gitu buat apa ada kikir lol. Menelurkan ide aneh adalah bunuh diri (mending diem?!), bakalan dicerca abis-abisan siap-siap aja dengan argument yang edan sekalian :D
Air gak bakalan bikin serpihan (tajam) kuku yang tertinggal jadi halus, cuma bisa bikin serpihan kecil-kecil (seperti kalo kita habis ngikir kuku) jadi hilang. Menurutku begitu, ya gak sih?
Demam FB dan Twitter
Bukan aku yang baru (sekarang) demam , tapi si new boss sebut saja AS :P Aku dah punya akun FB dari sekitar tahun 2006, waktu diinvite ma Sarah (thank you yaa...). Dulu seorang diri punya FB, jadi harus meyakinkan temen2 kalo FB lebih bagus daripada Friendster, padahal diri sendiri gak yakin hehe.
Anyway, jadi entah bagaimana awalnya Pak AS minta dibuatkan akun Twitter. Personal opinion nih, aku gak begitu suka ngetweet. Lengah sedikit gak tau dah apa yang orang omongin tentang kita (bener gak sih? gaptek nih lol) gak kayak FB yang dapat notif and you can always scroll down your profile wall :D
AS : Bagus gak tuh Twitter? Apa bedanya ma FB?
Aku: (bla bla bla ngejelasin, ke kalian gak usah yaa kan dah ngerti) Twitter tuh mesti dicek dan update terus pak, time consuming. Mendingan FB.
AS : Saya mau Twitter aja, gak mau senyam-senyum depan FB kayak istri saya ah. *gedubrak*
Aku: Tapi bapak mo Twitteran ma sapa? Gak gampang loh nemuin temen2 (seumuran) bapak di Twitter. *plus masa iya si bapak mo promo ke temen2 beliau baru bikin Twitter*
(ngejelasin lagi, betapa Twitter itu gak cucok ke beliau. Ya ampun sekretaris yang baik yaa aku, menyelamatkan bosku dari jeratan godaan Twitter *walau sendirinya punya akun :P*).
AS : Ya udah dah gak usah aja (ngambek bukan ini ya?!), ntar saya ribet lagi.
Aku: FB aja ya pak? *kekeh krn pengen liat update status beliau*
Nyala api keingintahuan beliau PADAM!
>> Di lain kesempatan<<
AS : Si R itu masih single atau udah nikah ya?
Aku: Sepengetahuan saya sih ada pacarnya pak, saya liat di FBnya.
AS : Emang bisa tau gitu?
Aku: Loh kan ada statusnya "in relationship with....."
AS : MASA?! Kok norak gitu, cuma pacaran diumumin di FB?
Aku: *sedikit ngeblush*
RR : (temen kantor nih) Iya pak memang gt, supaya gak flirting di FB.
AS : Hah kamu juga pasang?!
Hihihihi shock macam apakah ini? Social shock atau technology shock? :P
Monday, October 15, 2007
Ied Mubarak and a little disaster
Thank god, we meet another ied and another year flied by.... Its time to reflect on the mistakes, repent and ask for forgiveness. I wish it could be more solemn than this.. the peaceful moments are kindda gone.
There's a little disaster in this year's celebration, in my celebration actually. I burnt my hand from frying food, the hot oil was kindda burst out from the pan. Geez! I was freaked out to death, but for a moment i thought i was alright didnt really feel the pain at that second. Actually some of that hot oil landed on my right hand, it was terribly burnt and i was panic! at the kitchen [lol]. What made me upset was at the moment they heard the "explosion" and my and Lisa's scream, my step mom instantly worried about the stove and all but me. HuH!!! I guess i felt betrayed because it was her that made me did the frying at the first place and then she didnt seem to care. I was cross and ready to be a beast out of my pain...
I never feel happy of being so vulnarable but even then i cried out loud, didnt care anymore coz all i wanted to do was to wash away the pain, wishing that the tears could do that. But they couldnt, to distract my attention i went online and saw some people online. I chatted with Mic for awhile, at least i could whine hehe...
previously i called sony telling him about the incident and he said he knew something was off about me. Again, i was off guard and cried, ehm maybe i can say it was sobbing. Yeah it was that painful, undescribeable.
When my hand was better, me and some old friends went out. Gathering with old friends from elementary school was really fun, we laughed all night over things we've done. My oh my it felt like ages ago that we have met the last time..... minal aidzin walfaidzin....
There's a little disaster in this year's celebration, in my celebration actually. I burnt my hand from frying food, the hot oil was kindda burst out from the pan. Geez! I was freaked out to death, but for a moment i thought i was alright didnt really feel the pain at that second. Actually some of that hot oil landed on my right hand, it was terribly burnt and i was panic! at the kitchen [lol]. What made me upset was at the moment they heard the "explosion" and my and Lisa's scream, my step mom instantly worried about the stove and all but me. HuH!!! I guess i felt betrayed because it was her that made me did the frying at the first place and then she didnt seem to care. I was cross and ready to be a beast out of my pain...
I never feel happy of being so vulnarable but even then i cried out loud, didnt care anymore coz all i wanted to do was to wash away the pain, wishing that the tears could do that. But they couldnt, to distract my attention i went online and saw some people online. I chatted with Mic for awhile, at least i could whine hehe...
previously i called sony telling him about the incident and he said he knew something was off about me. Again, i was off guard and cried, ehm maybe i can say it was sobbing. Yeah it was that painful, undescribeable.
When my hand was better, me and some old friends went out. Gathering with old friends from elementary school was really fun, we laughed all night over things we've done. My oh my it felt like ages ago that we have met the last time..... minal aidzin walfaidzin....
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